Why is sexual intimacy so difficult these days? Why are more and more Americans incapable of intimate and satisfying sexual relationships?
For the past few weeks I have been writing on this subject. What have I learned?
- Americans are engaging in sexual practices that are destructive and un-fulfilling.
- Using sex to fill the emptiness in their souls. To fix what is broken. To meet the psychological needs of affection and safety that was not met in childhood.
- Many consider sexual intimacy as a spiritual practice— a means of drawing closer to God archaic. Who needs God, His wisdom or His grace to live a sexually fulfilling life?
The result? Many Americans
- reject the sanctity of marriage.
- trivialize purity and abstinence before marriage.
- endorse image, not authenticity and transparency.
- treat people as objects to be looked at and discarded when they no longer serve a purpose.
Like it or not, God is not politically correct. His ideal plan for sexual intimacy is between a man and woman who remain virgins until their wedding night.
Would you like to experience God’s gift of sex as it was intended?
Lay down your needs and love your spouse unselfishly.
- Men and women have different sexual expectations.
- Men: Sex is a physical activity by which you connect emotionally with your wife.
- Women: Emotional intimacy precedes the physical act.
Whenever we enter into sexual intercourse with selfish motives. We are even more alone than we were before. The loneliness increases our appetite for the union. Which is usually translated into a need for more sexual intercourse. Lust is a self-perpetuating cycle that becomes more intense as it continues. (Rick Joyner)
Make cultivating sexual intimacy a priority.
- Be proactive.
- Communicate your sexual insecurities, temptations, turn-ons and turn-offs.
- Do not judge. Be a sympathetic and supportive listener.
To solve a marriage problem, you have to talk with each other about it. Choosing wisely the time and place. But when accusations and lengthy speeches of defense fill the dialogue. The partners are not talking to each other but past each other. Take care to listen more than you speak. If you still can’t agree on a solution, consider asking a third party without a vested interest to mediate. (R.C. Sproul)
Vulnerability is not optional.
- Trust is foundational.
- Create an environment of trust. Meet your spouse’s deepest needs. Protect and respect his/her greatest vulnerability.
- Never reject or abuse your spouse’s honesty or openness. She/he will stop sharing. Seeking self-protection— the kryptonite of transparency and intimacy.
Marriage is a total commitment and a total sharing of the total person with another person until death. (Wayne Mack)
Pursue an authentic and passionate relationship with Jesus.
To encounter Christ is to touch reality and experience transcendence. He gives us a sense of self-worth or personal significance because He assures us of God’s love for us. He sets us free from guilt because He died for us, and from paralyzing fear because He reigns. He gives meaning to marriage and home, work and leisure, personhood and citizenship. (John Robert Walmsley Stott)
Those who do not believe there is a spiritual connection would have you believe you can separate your body from your mind and spirit. That you can do whatever you want with your body, and there are no consequences for the rest of you being.
Jesus Himself tells us. I am the Alpha and Omega, the First One and the Last One, the beginning and the end. (Revelation 22:13)
By putting Jesus first, He promises to give you the desires of your heart. Including the gift of sex.
Be a VOICE in the deafening sound of sameness!