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Approximately 60 million Americans are clinically lonely. Why are so many of us lonely? The absence of intimacy in our relationships has created a culture of distrust— the kryptonite of intimacy.
Despite a wealth of expert advice, many are incapable of maintaining intimate relationships. Why? Image, not authenticity is the foundation upon which personal identity is built.
What is authenticity? “Authenticity is the ability to accurately share what is going on in our hearts, souls and minds. It is the task of giving form and vocabulary to those things that are inside of us.
Intimacy on the other hand is the level to which we share those things. It has to do with just how far into our hearts, souls and minds we let other people see.
Authenticity is about clarity and definition. Intimacy is about depth.” Jessica Boctor
What is necessary for authentic AND intimate relationships?
Vulnerability
Unless you are willing to be vulnerable, your heart over time will become cold and callous.
Stop making everything about yourself and focus on others.
Trust
Trust is undermined on a daily basis. Thanks to media and the Internet. Secrets that would not have emerged until after one’s death are now public knowledge. Skepticism and distrust is rampant.
Stop hiding your mistakes and just be real— authentic.
Patience
Intimacy does not occur overnight. It requires constancy and commitment.
Stop giving up on people when they fail to meet your personal expectations.
Boundaries
A sense of psychological safety must be present. Boundaries not only protect you but also define who you are and your expectations. Standards of excellence and integrity should be evident through both your words and actions.
Stop just talking the talk. Start walking the walk on a daily basis.
Tired of being held hostage to relationships devoid of authenticity and intimacy? It begins with you. Honestly address your desires, hurts, fears, failures and flaws. Choose not to conceal your imperfections. Be authentic and transparent.
Will this guarantee authentic and intimate relationships? No, because you cannot change others. But at least when you look in the mirror, the person staring back at you will not be wearing a mask.
And that’s a great way to begin the day!
Be a VOICE in the deafening sound of sameness!
letsloveothers 
I’ve written about this countless times on my blog, but my understanding of the cause of loneliness has some similarities and differences with yours. Based on what I’ve seen and heard from people around me, I think people are lonely because they have unrealistic expectations; most of these are superficial and they’ll settle for an inauthentic relationship where they’re unhappy as long as the facade appears perfect to others. People are honest about what they want. They are prepared to sacrifice true happiness and intimacy in return for that. I hear people complain a lot about how lonely they are and then say how they’ve destroyed true friendships on purpose. They don’t want to get too close to the “wrong person”. People are hard to please because they don’t love themselves first. There are lots of deep gaps to fill.
Good morning! As with everything in life, one shoe does not fit all. There is never a single explanation for anything. As you pointed out, the reason behind my loniliness may differ from yours. This illustrates why generalizations are so dangerous and can skew our perceptions. Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful week!
I appreciated your post very much. Thank you for publishing it. Warmest wishes, SB.