Last Monday I began a series about family. How a show from the 50s, Leave It To Beaver depicted positive attributes of a healthy and loving family that are as applicable today as they were then. In the Cleaver’s home
- family values were discussed and modeled. (All For One and One For All)
- roles and corresponding responsibilities were clearly defined. (Growing Pains)
- rewards for appropriate behavior and negative consequences for inappropriate behavior were dispensed impartially and lovingly. (Making a Difference Today)
- adults’ actions and words were complimentary, not contradictory.
- love was demonstrated by providing temporal possessions AND emotional support.
To be comfortable and authentic with one another is the hallmark of a fulfilling and enduring relationship. Although achieved over time, it requires candidness and truth in the moment. On the other hand, superficial relationships— trying to live up to others perceptions of coolness… attractiveness… success… _______ (fill in the blank) guarantees relationships devoid of trust and longevity. This includes relationships among family members.
It is estimated the rate of secure attachment relations is 40% and dropping. People are emotionally starving to death.
How do you emotionally feed your relationships? You must be authentic. What does this look like?
- Be attentive—visualizing and analyzing what is being said to you.
- Ask questions.
- Allow others to talk about themselves and what interests them.
- Don’t overschedule yourself. Active listening requires time.
- Concentrate on what you share, not your differences.
- Don’t judge others by external factors like appearance, profession or religious affiliation.
- Recognize, appreciate and celebrate what makes the individual unique.
- Extend mercy and compassion.
- Avoid gossip and slander.
- Never tell others what someone has confided to you in confidence.
- Do what you say. Words and actions are in sync.
- Say no upfront instead of, “Let me think about it.”
- Give of yourself, expecting nothing in return.
- Recognize others accomplishments with genuine complements.
- Love those outside your circle of influence.
- Honestly address your desires, hurts, fears, failures and flaws.
- Share personal stories.
- Seek advice and help.
- Recognize no one is perfect, including you. All make mistakes, intentional and unintentional.
- Admit when you’ve made a mistake.
- Ask for forgiveness and willingly extend forgiveness.
- Repair the relationship as soon as possible.
In the beginning authenticity is challenging and frightening. But overtime as you become the person the Lord created you to be. You discover a freedom and peace that is priceless.
Thanks for listening to my voice! Feel free to like and share it with your friends.
Have a great day! Rita
Be the VOICE heard amidst the deafening sound of sameness!